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This decision didn’t come from a single moment or a dramatic turning point. It emerged gradually, through years of paying attention to the work itself, noticing how I was showing up, and being honest about the kind of impact I want to make going forward. Coaching has been a meaningful chapter. It has also reached a natural point of completion.
I’ve coached for over a decade, and it has been deeply rewarding. I’ve celebrated wins that people didn’t think were possible for them. I’ve sat with clients during moments when careers shifted, identities evolved, and decisions carried real weight. I held those moments seriously, and I’m grateful to everyone who trusted me to be part of their process. That trust mattered to me.
As I close this chapter, I want to share what I know to be true about coaching when it works, and just as importantly, why it sometimes doesn’t.
Over the years, I noticed a pattern that challenged a lot of assumptions people have about coaching. The clients who struggled the most were rarely lacking talent, intelligence, or motivation. What stalled them was uncertainty about what they actually wanted. Their goals shifted frequently, or they came into the work hoping the coach would provide certainty, direction, or a clear answer about what to do next.
In practice, that expectation never held up. Coaching is not predictive. It doesn’t work because someone else knows your future better than you do. A good coach creates space for clarity. They ask questions that help you hear yourself more clearly and see patterns you may have been avoiding or overlooking. In that sense, coaching is less about instruction and more about reflection and amplification.
What I also saw, and this is important, is that many of the people who struggled early on ended up becoming some of the most resilient by the end. Once they were willing to sit with discomfort, to have the hard conversations with themselves, and to stop outsourcing responsibility for clarity, they became more adaptable and flexible. They learned how to bend instead of break. That shift stayed with them long after our work together ended.
When coaching worked at its best, there was always a noticeable internal shift before momentum picked up. People stopped filtering their answers. They stopped trying to say what sounded reasonable or socially acceptable. Instead, they went inward and became honest about what they actually wanted, even when that honesty felt inconvenient.
From a neuroscience perspective, this makes sense. Filtering and self editing require cognitive effort. When people suppress what they want or carry competing narratives about who they should be, the brain stays in a low grade state of tension. When they tell the truth, even privately, cognitive load decreases. The nervous system settles. Different parts of the brain that were previously working against each other begin to integrate. Motivation shifts from something that has to be forced to something that feels self generated. That’s why action starts to feel easier after those moments of honesty. The brain is no longer in conflict.
Another thing clients sometimes resisted at first was structure. I’ve always coached with frameworks. Not because I’m attached to models, but because frameworks create stability when emotions run high or decisions feel overwhelming. Over time, I developed and relied on L.A.T.T.E., AHA, R4, and FLOW because they gave people a way to slow down their thinking, examine their patterns, and make decisions deliberately rather than reactively.
What clients often wanted was an external result. What I insisted on was internal ownership first. That resistance usually came from the belief that enough action could replace reflection. In reality, sustainable momentum comes from alignment. When attitude, habits, and actions are examined honestly, people stop burning energy on internal friction and start moving forward with intention.
Once clients embraced that, the work expanded beyond a single goal. They began applying the same thinking to leadership decisions, relationships, health, and long term planning. That’s when coaching stopped being situational and started becoming foundational.
I hired my first coach in my early twenties, long before coaching became mainstream. They lived in California. I was in Ohio. They mailed me a binder filled with CDs and workbooks. I took it seriously, and it shaped how I think about coaching to this day.
I’ve seen coaching work when people treat it as a serious investment in how they think, not just a tool to get unstuck. I’ve also seen people walk away disappointed when they skipped steps, cherry picked advice, or disengaged when the work became uncomfortable.
The distinction was never effort. It was engagement.
The clients who made real progress stayed with the process, especially when it challenged how they saw themselves or the choices they’d been making. When momentum stalled, it was almost always tied to avoidance, not ability. That pattern showed up consistently enough that I stopped ignoring it.
If you’re considering hiring a coach, the most important thing to understand is that the work doesn’t belong to the coach. It belongs to you. A coach can support, reflect, and guide, but they cannot do the internal work on your behalf. Skipping the uncomfortable parts doesn’t save time. It usually just delays results.
When people tell me coaching didn’t work for them, the conversation almost always leads back to engagement. Not whether the coach was skilled. Not whether the advice was sound. Engagement. That distinction matters.
Coaching can be a powerful experience when it’s approached with seriousness, honesty, and a willingness to stay with the process. That’s what I’ve seen hold true over and over again.
That’s the perspective I wanted to leave behind as I close this chapter.
XoXo, Jacqueline
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